Two things stood out to me during lecture today: presence and unique experiences. Presence was a large part of our lecture today and I was dreading it because I am HORRIBLE at it. I can’t manage to get my thoughts focused. I sat on a balcony this morning in a very peaceful and beautiful area of campus but still my mind wondered. I couldn’t just focus on the simple things in front of me. In our larger group we talked a lot more about this. I noticed that there are so many things in Minneapolis or in my every day that I miss because I don’t take the time to step out of my routines or my tunneled thoughts.
This was also the time that someone brought up that they wish they would have been more present many times last week. I completely agree. Someone then suggested that we may have become less present as a defense mechanism to decrease the harshness of reality. I completely agree with this as well. I should have been more present last week in order to get the maximum potential from this experience, but as Aaron would say, “Are you shoulding all over yourself?” Initially, while wishing I was more present, I felt really guilty and horrible for the people that shared their stories with us. This was the only thing they wanted from us. They didn’t ask for material things or food. They simply wanted our ears and minds. After thinking about it for a little bit, I went back to Aaron’s statement and realized that I need to let it go because what I was able to give at that time was the best I could do. I’m going to make a conscious effort to stop “shoulding all over myself” because that represents regrets to me and I definitely don’t want to hold any regrets in my life.
The next thing that we talked about in lecture that spiked my interest was the differences in experiences that people have. It’s obvious from reading all of our blogs that we each have had very different thoughts and experiences throughout the three weeks that we’ve been in South Africa even though we’ve all shared the same exposure to people and things. What was really interesting to me though was that there was also a missionary group working with the JL Zwane Center while we were there. We ate lunch with them one day but unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I was having a very emotional day and I was NOT feeling the idea of speaking with high schoolers about their experience in South Africa. Turns out they are staying in a condo-like place near a beach, which is most definitely not in Guguletu, and they made sure they left Gugs by 4:00 pm every day because apparently danger comes out in the dark?? Guess what kids, I survived 5 nights in Gugs and one night I even walked a block in the dark. Sorry for the hostility and sarcasm but this really upsets me. These people are going to go back to America and reinforce the thought that townships, or South Africa, are a dangerous place. As long as you’re not dumb they are safe places. Clearly the experience that we had is much different from the experience they had. (PS I’m not saying that either is experience is more meaningful, but I’d rather have my experience!)
On a side note, we went back to Gugs today for lunch an Mzoli’s! Watch out Famous Dave’s, Mzoli’s definitely has you beat! At first I was nervous to go back because I kind of just wanted to leave the experience where I left it but once we pulled into the township a wonderful feeling came over me. I actually looked at people without having pity or sadness for them. I was able to look at kids without feeling bad for them because I began to notice their smiles and laughter rather than my guilt. I felt like I had a better understanding of the culture and the people and I needed to be removed from it for a few days to appreciate that. Things are finally looking up and starting to make sense! I was looking forward to coming home but now South Africa has a piece of my heart. Hopefully it will be in my future!
Thanks for blogging,
Brittany
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